Emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

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Emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

Being married to a workaholic is the unbearable reality of modern-day marriages. Coping with it while you are left alone with kids to raise and a house to handle can be extremely stressful. This takes a toll, not only on your marriage, but on your health too, leaving a few irreversible changes in your life. Here's an objective look at how to cope with a workaholic husband, to avert marital problems.

Our expectations of a marriage are painted in a rosy picture by romantic novels, movies, and all those epic love stories we are fed on. But, the important point we forget here is that, these are only in fiction. A common reality of most marriages is far different than this. A husband who works long hours often misses out on family time, leaving a wife stuck at home all by herself looking after the kids.

Most married women with young children can surely identify with this.

Breaking Free From the Emotionally Unavailable Man Who Won't Commit

Being married to a man who puts his work first is a huge emotional challenge. It is absolutely normal to expect that your husband shares the load of your domestic duties, and is around at home for some quality family time.

As difficult as it may seem, coping with a workaholic husband is very important in keeping yourself healthy and raising a happy family.

While women make their husbands a focal point of their life, a man puts his career on the center stage. As harsh as this may sound, this remains the unchangeable reality of many married couples. Feeling lonely and abandoned is only natural. This adds to the existing frustration and festers it further. The only way to cope with this is to find your interests and develop new ones. Way before you met your husband and got married, you had a life of your own. Reclaim that life, go back to your hobbies, and keep yourself occupied by doing things that bring you satisfaction.

Yes, it is true that entering into wedlock means prioritizing your marriage, but with changing times, and growing ambitions of high incomes, changing your perspective is the only way of surviving a tough situation like this.

Somewhere along while we are dating, getting married, raising kids and family, we tend to put friends on the backseat. Pick up your phone, make that pending call, and reconnect with your lost friends. Drop your worries about being judged, and find your friends, because you need them now, more than ever. If your friends happen to live in a different city, make new friends. A good way of going about this would be joining some classes, learning something new, and giving yourself a chance to meet new people.

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Many a time, women give up on their careers to focus on their families. The loneliness a workaholic husband leaves you with gets magnified as your children get a little older and get occupied in their routines.

This free time and space could be your chance to kick start your career again. You can either invest it in learning something new to add to your qualifications, start something of your own, work from home, or take up a job. Working for something you studied and already have experience for is not only monetarily rewarding, but also emotionally satisfying.

Understanding him and his addiction to work will help you cope better in the marriage. This is an addiction which often finds support under the garb of making a career, providing for the family, roles, and responsibilities.

However, what is conveniently forgotten is that familial needs are an important part of life too. Doing anything out of compulsion is hardly advisable. But, sometimes, you will have to force it by fixing some compulsory family time. Showing him that his children and wife need him, want him, and that fun is integral for sound emotional growth, is the only way of nursing him back to some form of normalcy. This way, he will spend some time with the kids, with you, and most importantly, away from his work.

Sometimes, you may have to push him to make him realize what he is losing out on, but without nagging. The constant mismatch of expectations causes grudges and leads to a rift in communication. As you talk less each day, there comes a point where uncomfortable silences become awkward conversations.Being married to someone who is emotionally distant is not easy. Your efforts to get closer may be repeatedly shut down by your spouse. If any of this is true about your marriagethen you know that your partner is emotionally unavailable.

Some of us can be emotionally unavailable at some point in our relationships, owing to certain changes or events in our lives. Here are a few truths about the emotionally unavailable husband that you need to know, as well as questions you should ask yourself. If a man is emotionally unavailable or too protective of his emotions, it may be due to a bad experience in the past.

But maybe he went through a painful breakup before he married you, or he is going through a tough phase in his life. In that case, his behavior is understandable. If not, he may not be interested in this relationship. But they will often open up to people they are comfortable with, such as a spouse or a close friend.

Some listen more than they talk. Has he ever been present in situations when you needed someone to comfort you? Before you jump to saying yes, really think about it for a second. And you would not be the one carrying those heavy bags from the grocery store and taking care of the kids all by yourself.

Husband Emotionally Distant? Stop Pursuing Him. Do this Instead

If he is not present to comfort you or support you in times of need, then he may not hesitate to leave you on your own if he feels the need to. But if your husband does neither, it is worrisome. If your spouse never talks, listens, or asks you how your day has been, then you might want to think about the state of your marriage. Your husband may have roped you in because he needed someone to comfort him.

Emotionally unavailable husbands sometimes subconsciously lure partners with empty promises, which often results in a codependent situation.

If you have been trying to make your marriage to an emotionally distant husband work, it may be time to stop and prioritize yourself. Talk to your partner and make your needs clear. Let him know you expect them to be met.

emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

If he cannot, maybe it is time to take a long hard look at why you are in this marriage in the first place. They make it clear in many ways that they have never been fully committal. But if you believe there is still a chance with your husband, talk to a marriage counselor who can be unbiased and put everything in perspective for the both of you. And if your husband is genuinely concerned, then he will make an effort to make things different in the near future.

For someone who is emotionally unavailable, the relationship is often nothing more than a comfort zone.We try and pull closer and they just pull away. An emotionally distant husband may show some of all of the following signs: being indifferent to activities, being inflexible, defensiveness, he is overly critical of you, he gives the silent treatment, is unwilling to talk about his feelings, and takes from the relationship more than he gives.

Life is hard and having a partner who has your back and is in this fight with you is incredibly rewarding. The first step in solving any problem is to be aware of the issue. Then and only then, can we begin to take the necessary steps to fix it or at least help ourselves. Once you know the signs you can decide if that applies to your husband. An emotionally distant husband can make you feel so alone; even in his presence.

In those cases especially if you had an affairhe retreats into his shell because it feels safe to him. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship.

It is not, however, the same thing as just one person needing some space to cool down. The silent treatment is intentionally manipulative and designed to gain control over the other spouse.

I go into much greater detail on just how damaging the Silent Treatment click to read on my site is in another highly shared Pinterest post. How much it can damage your relationship will definitely surprise you. Some of us, of course, have a more damaged past than others.

But even something as commonplace as a divorce when your husband was a young child can have devastating effects. While the post is designed for the damaged, my most shared post on Twitter walks us through how to Let Go of the Past click to read on my site and move forward. One of the big downsides of that is it may often feel like you give and give and give and get nothing in return.

The emotionally distant husband is essentially hiding from their feelings or emotions. One of the effects of that is that now in adulthood, they seek to control everyone and everything since whatever the underlying issue is made them feel helpless and out of control.

When people are control freaks and seek to control everything and everyone around them, they often also have trouble admitting mistakes. When pressed about their actions, behavior, and mistakes, they also tend to get overly defensive. If you feel like your marriage is falling apartthen check out this short video on how to Mend Your Marriage that can help get yours back on track.

And when does do something for you, like buy you flowers, treat you to a surprise dinner, or some other gesture, it can still feel really empty. Steps to mindfully deal with your difficult emotions. Via The Gottman Institute. A truly emotionally whole man who lies is literally torn apart out of feelings of guilt over the lie. After all, this person should be the one we confide in the most, with whom we share our most personal thoughts, and who we trust the most.

The reasons for this are it gets him out of the hot seat. When this is a long-term pattern of behavior, the end result is it often leaves you feeling completely alone in the marriage. Life can be challenging and one of the chief benefits of being married is having someone who has your back and who can be your shelter in the storm. Going back to that man dying of thirst analogy I used above, the man will obviously be drawn towards the nearest source of water in this case your husband.

Ultimately, wives need to accept is that only their husband can decide to change his behavior and allow himself to be more emotionally connected with you. When men feel like a failure it can have devastating and often opposite effects on us.It's heartbreaking, frustrating and oh so damaging to our already fragile self-esteem.

This pattern, this cycle so many of us find ourselves in unable to break free of the cycle of attracting — and being attracted to emotionally unavailable men in our lives. We've talked about the why so many times here before.


Most of us know in our minds that we're attracted to this type of man because of who and what they represent to us, usually someone reminiscent of our fathers or mothers or some combination of both. But even with all this knowledge, we still struggle with actually doing something about it. With connecting the knowledge of our heads with our hearts and refusing to buy into the believe that "just one more time" or "just a little longer", and it will all be different this time around. We want to believe we can be the difference for him!

emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

We can see it so clearly. But that one little thing becomes everything when it comes to moving forward, or staying right where we are. Is he worth it? But I've got some great news for you! All you need to do is be open to seeing something different than what you've seen before, and eventually, a process begins that is different for everyone, but will be exactly what you need. Somehow, somewhere along the way you'll be given every opportunity to see the reality of what's really going on and break free of this hold this type of person has on you once and for all.

You'll be met right where you are, with the first stage of breaking free. It begins with recognition that something doesn't feel right. That's how you found your way here, after all.

You recognized some kind of treatment of you, some kind of behavior on his part that didn't feel right or how love is supposed to feel. On some level you know there's got to be something more than this and it's what motivated you to question, to try to find out why, to understand, so that you can figure out what to do.

You're seeing it, recognizing it — reaching out to me or someone else to help you sort through it - and you're beginning to ask yourself the tough questions of "why" that help you to see yourself in a whole new light. It's not going to happen overnight, but slowly, beginning with this first step, this is how you're going to get from here to there.

It culminates in an awareness that you deserve more than this. You see, the more that you allow yourself to do what you need to do where he's concerned, the more you chase him, the more you pursue him, the more you go back to him for "one more chance". The more you allow yourself to see what's really there. It's not to be fought or to beat yourself up over; it's to realize it's all part of the process. How else would you see it more clearly? It's how it happens. It's why the only rules you need to follow are your own that you can live with.

This is how you start to see it more often. This treatment of you, this lack of loving behaviors that you're starting to see so much more clearly for what they are.And most of all, absent emotionally unavailable men have no time or patience for this romance stuff the chicks are after. They are charming, broken, brooding, or drunk. As a woman dating an emotionally distant man, you run the risk of being shut down repeatedly and every effort you make to get closer can be rebuffed.

Your dilemma is oh-so-familiar to me. The number of women who want to know how to deal with men and this issue is mind-numbing. Do the signs a man give you fluctuate from week to week? Is he into you? Is he just playing? Is he driving you crazy? I can tell you from years of seeing women have this issue, that if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. Divorced is good, right?

Believe me, jumping on seemingly unavailable men with a muddy or newly changed relationship status is never good news.

emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

After seeing countless numbers of break-ups, I should know. At this point, all he wants is to forget his ex, or even worse, replicate her. So he could be looking for a woman who is practically her doppelganger, in a desperate but not conscious effort to bring her back somehow.

Time is your friend here — though if you are determined and if you want to learn how to make an emotionally detached man fall in love, your best bet would be to pick up Source of Attraction and go through all of the material. You smile, finding his answer incredibly romantic.

Um… I hate to break it to you, but this is a man who is absolutely hiding something. Did he join you at IKEA to get that new bed you needed? Does he offer advice about your career? How about when you fought with your best friend? Did he have words of comfort for you? He was absent for every single one or most of those things?

He is not pulling his own weight in this relationship. He is not there for you at all, for anything you need, big or small. You may want to sit down and spend some time thinking about this.

There are unavailable men and then there are men who make time for you. Which is he? Generally, men are not all that eager to talk at all, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.Do you feel that despite your relatively lax expectations, you are being taken advantage of? In other words, does a void exist for you because you have an emotionally distant husband? In my counseling practice I specialize in treating common emotional stresses. The hurting people who come to see me are trying to cope with anger, depression, anxiety in their marriage.

These issues are usually played out in the home. I often face the task of helping people understand how their emotions relate to their unsolved marriage problems. Over twenty-five thousand counseling sessions have shown me that the most common marital problem I encounter is the case of an emotionally eager wife whose husband will not engage with her on a deep, meaningful, and personal level.

These phrases are indicators of the problem of being emotionally distant and disconnected:.

How to Deal with a Workaholic Spouse

As the relationship fails to progress, feelings of disillusionment become entrenched. And then faulty patterns of communication yield increasing frustration.

Failure to progress is not for lack of trying. As I consult in case after case, I see that many emotionally eager women have good reason to feel disappointed.

Most women need strong, growing relationships that are openly expressed. Unfortunately, their husbands fail to supply that need. They are emotionally distant. These wives are living with men who have unconsciously committed themselves to an evasive way of life.

These men are unwilling to seriously explore the depths of their own emotional needs.

emotionally unavailable husband workaholic

As a result, they perch securely atop their own little time bombs. As frustration and confusion mount, something will eventually blow. If at all possible, I include husbands in my counseling sessions. When the husband, however, is unwilling to participate in counseling, the wife still has some excellent options. Her emotionally distant spouse may cling to stubborn, evasive patterns of relating.You go out on a drive with your husband and come back after an hour without a word being exchanged between you two.

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It would be so boring and disappointing that you swear you will never go out with him again. If this is how you often feel with your partner, then he could be an emotionally unavailable EU person. In the simplest of terms, EU people are perfectly normal individuals who are unable to divulge their deepest emotions to anybody. They are rarely interested in matters of love or sharing their feelings with someone. They may demand attention but will perpetually be unwilling or incapable of creating an emotional bond with another person.

It is indeed difficult to identify an EU person. What makes it difficult is that outwardly he may seem caring and affectionate but develops cold feet when he has to share emotions at a deeper level.

MomJunction explains the traits of an EU person, and how you can deal with one. Temporary emotional unavailability happens when a person is unable to open up due to a reason that holds him back. For instance, people who are highly ambitious and want to achieve a certain rank or position. They may not be willing to commit until they achieve their dreams. Then, there are people who are emotionally scarred following a divorce or a bad relationship. Committing to another person or relationship becomes extremely difficult for them.

All of this makes it difficult to gauge if the problem is just a passing phase or a chronic one. If you have felt that something is amiss in your relationship, then it can probably be an emotional disconnect from either side. Here are some ways to determine if your partner is EU or not.

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If your partner never includes you in any of his vacation plans or other leisure activities, it is possible that he is an EU person. Such people always want to keep their distance and do not try hard to get to know their partner.

Here’s How to Successfully Cope With a Workaholic Husband

Doing things by themselves keeps them away from complications if things went south. It also prevents the relationship from being a serious one. Never saw a man crying? It is a popular notion amongst women that men are emotionless. However, it is not. Men may hide their emotions but not always and not entirely. However, if your spouse conceals all of his emotions or does not occasionally shower you with love and affection, it means that he is not connected with you on an emotional level.

When your partner says one thing and does just the opposite, it creates a sense of insecurity and mistrust in your mind. He may make big plans for you and promise lots of love, making you hopeful of having a fruitful relationship, but when it comes to actions, he does not fulfill them. In fact, do not be surprised if such a man goes missing during your testing times.

Initially, your relationship will be hot, with him giving you lots of attention and being too involved in your life but a few months later it all fizzles out. He may then start showing interest in just the physical aspect of your relationship and may withdraw from any other kind of emotional involvement. Or may do the exact opposite, i. Such men are not ideal for long-term commitment.

He can only offer you insecurity and stress and no emotional attachment of any kind. However, in your case, if it is your husband taking that place and is being overly critical of everything you do then there must be something wrong. He dislikes the way you dress, the food you make, the way you laugh, your profession, and just about everything that concerns you.

This only boils down to his strong detachment from you. Not only does he do nothing to maintain your relationship, but also avoids taking on any responsibility. He pushes you off the limit and then blames you for any conflict that arises.

He totally ignores his role in the relationship and keeps reminding you of how you failed him on numerous occasions.


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